El tribuno

Autora: Mónica P. Diner

June 22, 2001. Salta, Argentine Republic

O p i n i o n

Children and adolescents endure it every day violence, an alarming reality

by Gisela Grunin

Learning to look after themselves and knowing their own rights will be a major change for many children and adolescents enduring violence. For them, their homes are no longer safe and comfortable and the people they love the most exert unfair power on them, hurting them physically and emotionally. And all of this occurs in the most absolute silence because the rule is "you do not talk about this."----

There are very many children who undergo dramatic situations at home and outside. Worldwide, the demand for help has increased fourfold in recent times; this is why public awareness, knowledge and daily efforts are necessary to prevent children from growing up unprotected and submerged in maltreatment. Specialists agree that child maltreatment has been not so much a reality but rather a problem at all times and that it runs through all social classes, all educational levels and all countries and cultures.

"Child abuse is any damage inflicted upon a child, repeatedly and in a manner other than accidentally, by a stronger and more powerful adult. Many a time it is someone the child is familiar with, it may even be a relative or the care giver", said psychologist Monica Diner, Director of the Center for Interdisciplinary Prevention of Child Abuse - CEPIA.

We speak of abuse or physical maltreatment when children are beaten, wounded, pushed around or burned.

However, there is a more subtle type of violence, one leaving no signs on the body: disparaging, shouting, scorning, threatening, destitution, indifference, rejection and lack of care and affection. "Emotional violence also has very severe consequences", she said. On the other hand, some adults make children "play" games with their bodies that make them feel uncomfortable or dumb.

"Sexual abuse is making a child take part in sexual activities such as fondling or making the child touch any part of the child's or adult's body in an enticing manner; watching or making the child watch private parts; showing or taking explicitly sexual photographs", explained Diner. "In any case, we are dealing with a series of activities that the child is unable to understand, that cause different traumas and mark them for the rest of their lives.

“The child is not physically or emotionally prepared. On the contrary, the child needs guidance, orientation and, above all, the love, understanding and respect from his/her loved ones"

Don't tell anyone

What are private parts? Those we only see when we take a bath and which are covered by underwear or a swim suit.

"Don't tell anyone." "Nobody will believe you." "I do this because I love you." Secrets and silences are essential when there is physical or sexual abuse. In general, the man in the house is the one who exerts violence, but on more than one occasion the man acts in complicity with the mother and the rest of the family. That is why most cases are not reported or known.

The first step to getting help is becoming aware that something is going wrong and breaking the silence: tell someone, talk to the teacher, talk to the doctor or to a friend about things or behaviors that do not seem right or are confusing.

It is the neighbors, teachers and grandparents of abused children who call most frequently. Children do not do so until they are 14, because they are under such pressure and threat they are unable to see what they are going through.

Furthermore, violence is all too natural in our culture. Hence, many a time the victim does not see that he/she is hurting.

According to specialists, it is inside the family that we learn how to relate to others and how to solve conflict. In this connection, many children grow up in families that communicate through violent models though this is not the only possibility.

For Tajani, "violence is learned; that is why it is a psychosocial problem. That is, family violence is not a personal problem – it is a problem that concerns us all."

In its infancy

"Argentina is in its infancy in terms of child abuse prevention. There is no government program whatsoever to do prevention with children", said Monica Diner, a psychologist specializing in child abuse prevention.

"Prevention programs in other countries teach children that they have a right to protect themselves and to say 'no' when they feel uncomfortable because they are being emotionally, physically or sexually maltreated", said Diner, the author of "Abuso infantil. Manual de prevención y detección" [Child abuse: prevention and detection manual]. "I do not know why no prevention is done here. I think it is a sensitive issue and nobody dares speak out", she added.

"It is important that children feel the community endorses their right to self-defense and that they should know that they are not to blame for what is happening to them, because nothing justifies maltreatment," said the specialist.

To prevent abuse, Diner explained that "we have to work on children's self-esteem. In general, they are taught to respect and accept what adults say or do, but they must also learn to take care of themselves and feel important, so as to defend themselves and have others respect them".

The psychologist also commented that children should pay attention to their feelings (such as discomfort or confusion) which may help them identify risks and get to know their rights well.

"Besides, there is the subject of deception and bribes. When a child is offered a piece of candy or money in exchange for something that he must not do because it is bad, the child must not accept", Diner continued to say.

Finally, the specialist recommends children should use the "NLT Rule" when a situation at home, at school or in the street makes them feel uncomfortable, threatened, confused or when they are baffled by it. "NLT" means:

Say No

Leave

Tell someone